Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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