I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
