After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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