What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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