Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
