i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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