You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
