he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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