You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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