Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish my penis had a tongue
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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