i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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