i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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