$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
