i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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