I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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