marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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