She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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