Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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