She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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