Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have fence marks all over my body
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
