we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
