Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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