So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
