it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
