Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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