with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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