wanna go halves on a baby?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
