Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
They took my balls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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