When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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