she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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