That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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