Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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