Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
