he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
