as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
