Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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