Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog

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(906): View more from Michigan

i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

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(708): View more from Illinois

did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.

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(631): View more from New York

Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.

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(224): View more from Illinois

That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.

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(806): View more from Texas

i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw

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