I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping