Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.

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  (401): Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified. http://tfl.nu/2va0
  Replies (27) Good night (5224) Bad night (1006)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  What did I eat last night that was bloody?

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  (515): What did I eat last night that was bloody? http://tfl.nu/w6f4
  Replies (19) Good night (805) Bad night (6791)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.

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  (678): Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi. http://tfl.nu/4g6k
  Replies (11) Good night (3682) Bad night (1267)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.

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  (904): I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck. http://tfl.nu/gj91
  Replies (23) Good night (1626) Bad night (4827)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.

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  (229): Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night. http://tfl.nu/4bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (4955) Bad night (1791)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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  (270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6
  Replies (8) Good night (5543) Bad night (1690)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

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  (620): Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians. http://tfl.nu/2mf6
  Replies (26) Good night (1218) Bad night (4418)
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  (212): View more from New York

  You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.

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  (212): You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne. http://tfl.nu/l5in
  Replies (13) Good night (2049) Bad night (772)
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  (310): View more from California

  I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.

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  (310): I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient. http://tfl.nu/0squ
  Replies (1) Good night (1385) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.

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  (208): Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/1euv
  Replies (1) Good night (887) Bad night (423)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters

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  (971): I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters http://tfl.nu/ncp4
  Replies (1) Good night (836) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.

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  (818): You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on. http://tfl.nu/jsq7
  Replies (2) Good night (875) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.

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  (330): If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on. http://tfl.nu/53ym
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.

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  (412): Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me. http://tfl.nu/4ot8
  Replies (3) Good night (334) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.

  (1-607): View more from New York

  You're such a supportive sister.

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  (607): IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU. (1-607): You're such a supportive sister. http://tfl.nu/l5x7
  Replies (4) Good night (580) Bad night (116)

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