i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.