Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dude. stop pregaming the food network.

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  (215): im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL (609): dude. stop pregaming the food network. http://tfl.nu/x76m
  Replies (6) Good night (2344) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.

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  (425): he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis. http://tfl.nu/d5v8
  Replies (23) Good night (921) Bad night (5277)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?

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  (219): talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high? http://tfl.nu/47rp
  Replies (18) Good night (5070) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

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  (440): One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm http://tfl.nu/xdgb
  Replies (16) Good night (5732) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.

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  (847): she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick. http://tfl.nu/abnm
  Replies (20) Good night (8062) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.

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  (417): This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer. http://tfl.nu/gsk7
  Replies (10) Good night (3542) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

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  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (1267) Bad night (3166)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.

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  (330): Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience. http://tfl.nu/lhjv
  Replies (8) Good night (2251) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (+79): View more from

  You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win

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  (+79): You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win http://tfl.nu/jmv2
  Replies (4) Good night (1855) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.

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  (916): I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina. http://tfl.nu/c8ir
  Replies (9) Good night (1411) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?

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  (412): Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass? http://tfl.nu/n93b
  Replies (8) Good night (1257) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave

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  (919): he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave http://tfl.nu/tg51
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.

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  (214): Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me. http://tfl.nu/wbcl
  Replies (4) Good night (831) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.

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  (702): I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way. http://tfl.nu/vsfa
  Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?

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  (630): Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids? http://tfl.nu/4q99
  Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (371)

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