If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw