Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT