hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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