if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you