on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
