i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
