then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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