Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
