i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
