I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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