We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
