five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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