Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
