I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
