we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
