you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
