I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
