census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize