I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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