dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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