Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
