I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
