Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
