she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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