No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
