We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
