Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
