Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
