she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
