I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
