i don't like sucking hair
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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